What is it about Britney Spears that makes us despise her insipidness and sense of style, yet still follow her every move and listen to all her songs and watch all of her videos? I will tell you---she is unpredictable; you never know what she will be doing or wearing next. It is kind of a sport for “the fashion savvy” to poke fun at Brit and her dated togs, but for some reason her clothes still have some sort of unknown sex appeal. You know she’s got to be landing guys-even if it is men we would never want to talk to let alone date. It is a given that she is not the sharpest knife in the drawer but something about her screams knowledge of a kind that few possess. She is just weird enough to keep us hooked, and she knows it. Case in point, her new video for her first single off of Femme Fatale, “Hold It Against Me.” I realize Brit has a “look” and a certain choreographic style, and I know that she has always worn heavy black eyeliner (‘90s style) and dance-friendly clothing, but how long can you beat a dead horse? That ship has sailed and she may need to rethink her audience. I have never seen her more out of touch than with this video.
BTW this song was written and produced by Max Martin and Dr. Luke, two guys who are responsible for such hits as “That’s The Way It Is” by Celine Dion, “Dynomite” by Taio Cruz, “DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love” by Usher, “Party in the U.S.A.” by Miley Cyrus, “What the Hell” and “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavine, “Since You’ve Been Gone” and “Behind These Hazel Eyes” by Kelly Clarkson, “It’s My Life” by Bon Jovi, “Tik Tok” and “Your Love is my Drug” by Kesha, “Right Round” by Flo Rida, “So What,” “Raise Your Glass,” and “Who Knew” by Pink, “Teenage Dream,” “California Gurls,” “Hot n Cold,” and “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry, “Shape of My Heart,” “I Want it That Way,” “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back),” “As Long As You Love Me,” and “Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely” by the Backstreet Boys, and last but not least, “3,” “Baby One More Time,” “If U Seek Amy,” “Circus,” and “…Oops I Did It Again” by Britney Spears. “Hold It Against Me” debuted at #1 on January 20 and currently sits at # 11. This is a good show for Brit at this point in her career but it’s a far cry from the days of “Crazy” and “Lucky.”
You would think that these 2 guys have it covered. They’ve been around at least 14 years and seem to know what they’re doing. I don’t know what you think of “Hold It Against Me,” but when I first heard it I liked it. The more I listened to it though, I had a sneaking suspicion that it had an ‘80s prep/late ‘90s raver sound that I don’t think was intentional. The music is a bit dated, and so is the corny premise. Brit has done this before, gone right on the edge of stale and using a just past trend that she believes needs to be revisited because she’s JUST THAT COOL.” I obviously don’t know what the truth is, but I am going to err on the side of dated. I say this because of what I see in the video-the whole thing seems out of date.
It is like a step back in time 6 or 7 years (maybe even 12 years). The video starts with some early ‘90s font in ‘70s colors telling you that it is 2011. You see a CG fire ball/meteor headed towards earth (think Deep Impact and Armageddon) and causing an unknown city’s news crews to go berserk. This fire flight’s animation is definitely sub-par to what we are used to seeing today. This CG is worse than what she had used in previous videos. Her dancing also seems worse than what she has done before. In the first dance number she has just blasted down into a commercial studio and her body looks oddly shaped and very pale with short shorts on and a faux fur vest. Her moves are sluggish and the men are wearing those baggy raver pants with the long straps snapped onto them. SO 2001! The set is black and gray with white bulbs of various shapes and annoying scaffolding everywhere. It felt even more like a commercial because of the product placement for Plenty of Fish and SONY. I see enough ads, I don’t want to watch an ad with Britney if she isn’t even selling her song in it-oh yeah, did I mention that the video has nothing to do with the song? Well, it doesn’t!
Her hair looks greasy and damaged (just like it did in the “3” video). In her last dance number the backup dancers wear leather mouth masks on their faces. This reminded me of Xtina’s last video. Something else that reminded me of Xtina (think the video for “Stronger”) was the white billowing balloonish dress that Brit dons in a silo of bulbs and wires. It looks like it is made out of a cheap plastic table cloth (how does Brit manage to make expensive things look like they were bought at Dollar General?) and the top of it is a prom sweetheart top incrusted with beads and lace. If I was Brit I would not want to be emulating Xtina right now if you know what I mean. Now for the weirdest part of that outfit-her hands are gloved and she is hooked up to 12 IV drips full of colored dye! It looks disgusting and she even has surgical tape with lace on it holding the lines to her arms! As if this wasn’t enough, she has 4 androgynous dancers WITHOUT eyes dancing at the bottom of her dress with arms outstretched, paying homage to the Brit.
At one point-the bridge of the song-she goes ballistic and you see her eyes grow two irises and she attacks herself. She squares off; one of her has red on, the other, black, and punches her double with such force that you hear a nasty smash and you see debris fly from her mouth. The sound is too gross for a pop video. She side-steps in high heels and gets in some serious hits and even some strangle holds. She looks seriously hurt and her face pained. The whole scenario reminds me of the female fights in Kill Bill so it seemed too “done” to make the desired impact. However, I don’t think I will ever forget it because of the ferocity and brutality shown that was not expected.
Her ending dance number is kind of neat but I can’t really tell if I like it. It was definitely better than the first one, however the aforementioned leather masks put a damper on it. Her hair also looks better in this scene. Then Brit sings the line “I’m just your type” and beckons to the screen with her finger and licks her lips in a reptilian manner. The funny thing was she had on what looked like the black plastic witch nails that go over the tips of your fingers for Halloween! The end of the video was when I really started to question Britney’s understanding of the industry; or of nuanced life in general. In the last shot we see a big “?” in that same out of touch font used in the beginning of the vid.
I mean, was it really that cryptic? Was there even anything to figure out?! She danced, she tried to weird us out---so…I don’t know, maybe she did hide some hidden message under her white dress or between the dancing men, but does anyone care??? Maybe that is what the “?” means. Are we to follow her into a sick world of make believe intelligence? Maybe this video will segue into a new series but seriously, this one didn’t have much there. It makes one wonder if Britney has what it takes to stand up next to the Lady Ga Gas and Keshas of the 2011 everyone else is living in.
